Those who know me know I like to brag a bit about the fact that I never get the stomach flu. I just don’t get it. I hadn’t (emphasis on HADN’T) for ages and ages and ages. I don’t even remember the last time. I dunno if there even ever was a last time.
Two Saturdays ago, the day before the big game where Canada won gold against the USA (just thought I’d rub it in), I woke up at about 5 am to a VERY grumbly tummy. I hurried to the…well you know…and relieved myself…hurriedly. If ya know what I’m sayin.
I woke up later that morning to Silas puking his guts out. He puked and he puked and he puked some more. He laid on the couch and puked his little guts out all morning. He did it with such grace. It was all business, he was happy, marvelous.
Soon Silas’ puking stopped, he perked up and began playing a bit. Nice. The grumbles in my tummy, however, were getting a might worse. Things were starting to loosen up and I began bracing myself for a night of sitting on the can. Course only sitting. I never throw up from a flu!
After getting the kids to bed that evening things started to feel VERY wrong. It was a downward spiral of doom. Soon I felt like I couldn’t sit up anymore. Trips to the lavatory were becoming more and more frequent. Soon…I did it…I vomitted. It was horrible.
Back to the couch, back to the bathroom…back and forth. I learned a good trick for this by the way and it helps your spouse with clean up. He fills the bathroom with plastic bags that I can throw up in while sitting on the toilet. Knot the top of the bag and into the garbage. Zero clean up. Thought you should know that.
Soon my stomach just starts KILLING me. KILLING ME. I try and sleep but ugh…things hurt. It’s about midnight now and I make it to the bathroom, astonished that pure water can come out of *there* and I try to return to my bed but I’m so light headed I make it to the hallway and just lie down, fetal position, moaning. I literally feel like I cannot move anymore. It hurt sooo bad and I was SO weak and dizzy. The last vomit tasted like blood. Things were getting serious.
Brent decided to call the nurse line and just ask what he should do for me. He was so worried at this point. He answer?? 911….NOW. So 911 he called and I called my mommy bawling my eyes out. I felt that they’d be able to help me though. That as soon as the ambulance came I’d be given some semblance of relief.
Didn’t happen.
I don’t know if these paramedics could have had LESS empathy for the human race. They didn’t look me in the eye and they made me SIT in the ambulance. Bed all made…I’m SITTING with a dizzy explosive stomach flu. I’m not a complainer…I was feeling a bit of a wave of relief at this point so I didn’t say anything. I just leaned on the bed and made sure to cough on it. I know they asked me to sit because they didn’t want to clean the bed. Jerks.
I get to the hospital and I’m asked to do more sitting. At this point I have nothing left in me to throw up so I’m dry heaving into this tiny paper bowl they gave me. I ask to use the washroom and he says no. Jerk.
Suddenly I’m being sent to the waiting room with all the other people. WHAT? I thought cuz I came in on ambulance that I’d get some sort of special treatment…like..ya know…a bed so I don’t faint.
I sit in a corner and begin to weep….weep, dry heave, weep, go to the bathroom. I weep LOUDLY, I’m not a loud person in that sense. I don’t complain to people like that. I’ve always been known as the good, tough patient.
Not this time. I moaned and cried and complained and wailed. I ran to the bathroom and went again….blood in my stool. LOTS of blood. I tell the nurse and she says “ok” without even looking me in the eye. I sit back down and begin to go in and out of consciousness. Jerks finally call me as I’m having another bloody…ya know. They put me on my bed and there I lie for an hour. No blankets. Fetal position, dry heaving, no one coming to see me.
I lay there, whimpering while listening to the man beside me getting a catheter up his wanger. He’s whimpering too and really embarrassed. He can’t push out his own pee. Is that really a bigger emergency than my bloody poops??? Next they’re treating a burn, giving a tetanus shot to some drunk guy who got in a bar fight.
They begin sending everyone home, talking amongst themselves, cleaning up, turning off lights. I’m still there alone. Finally I hear some whispering…shuffling…oh they remembered me…someone is coming.
The doctor was nice. He told me I could have some ice…my mouth was so dry and I wasn’t allowed water. He looked in my mouth and was like “wow you’re dehydrated”. He ordered an IV of fluid and gravol.
I don’t remember much else. I know I finally got blankets and some ice. I know Brent kept texting me and I didn’t even have it in me to pick up my cell and respond. He was soooo worried. The nurse came in with the IV. In went the fluids. I always think it’s weird how you can taste them in your mouth as soon as they get in your body. Next came the gravol and I passed right out. Waking up off and on with people poking me here and there…or hearing my cell phone going off.
I wake up early in the morning, the nurse is there. I tell her i feel horrible. More gravol, pass out.
I wake up again after it wore off the second time and I begin vomitting again. So gross. Doc came to see me. The Fluids were out of me but the nurse came back quickly with more gravol for me. I passed out again.
I was discharged from the hospital with harder anti nausea drugs and strict rules to try and eat food. I had successfully kept down a cup of apple juice and 1/4 of a baby cookie. I made it home in time for the hockey game. 
I stayed awake for the whole game until the third period. I slept through it all and woke up just in time to see USA tie it up. I felt like the end of the world had arrived. How was I supposed to handle being so sick AND over time???
I handled it. We won!! I actually jumped high enough to scare the daylights out of Cleo and send her off the couch running across the room. Then at about 5:30 I fell asleep and asleep I stayed until 12:00 the next afternoon. I was better and I’ve slowly gotten better since.
And THAT my friends was the sickening adventures of Leah. You’re welcome for all the details.
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